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I Will Always Want to Let Go

by Problem Of Pain

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Sifting through the temple, I am left with an emptiness. Through time I have tried to dissolve the shadow. Will I reach the heights of God? Or will my desire slowly fade. The pain is always here, I’m too weak to turn away. Pursue me. Fading into air soon to be nothing. Crawling to escape, I fail. Turning into the earth my soul grows cold as the light goes dim. I will never hope again. Damaged I need repair as I close my eyes and grant despair. Power flows to allow change, but as I toil. I can’t help but remain the same.
I open my arms to accept the pain. Gone and here again to leave a mark on me. Turn my eyes to see the other side, I feel the fire burns. Fleeting joy and peace always remembered by first embrace. Reaching for substance, reaching for nothing. A temporary change gone like a vapor. And I feel that I have to plead that your arms are still open for me. I swore I once had love, I swore I still had faith. Pull me under I want to feel the rush covered in mud.
The blood flows from my veins out of my hands. The same hands that extended a rotten offering. I lay myself down. Water flows from my eyes washing me away from you. I am consumed, filled with contrition. As I weep I feel the weight shift. Flow through me, leave me. Is this where God is? When I am at my weakest? I bathe to purify the blood that stains my hands.
Waiting in silence, waltz amongst the void. Impede space with breath. Replace audacity with sorrow as the empty void envelopes my being. The tolerance for pain dwindles as the recognition of my nerves is realized. What present joy can I entertain when finite suffering is inevitable? What present peace can I hold onto when my breath aches in my bones? Life in my bones is corroding. Life in my spirit is waiting for release. No fear in death. No longer bound to skin and bone. Suck the marrow, bleed my veins dry. O, angel, impart me grace as you swing your gavel.
I will always want to let go. Hesitant I ask to be alone. The distance between us won’t always be, this darkness came and swept me away. Does it feel painful to be brought in for embrace just to get betrayed through your skin? I carve my name into you, my heart fills with regret. Did I lose my love and still you stayed? How can you have so much faith in me? A man who stays, a man who sways. I bury myself in the cleft. I reach for things unseen. Lest I tempt to despair you’re open to me. I am still then restless. I pull you in just to push away. With violence, with passion. Hesitant I ask to be alone. Can’t you see how close I am? To giving up, to letting go.


Digital booklet included with the purchase of this EP

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released February 9, 2018

Instruments Recorded and Engineered by Chris Herr at North Tower Studios
Vocals Recorded and Engineered by Bryce Mata
Mixed by Adam Cichocki at Timber Studios
Mastered by Mike Kalajian at Rogue Planet Mastering
Art Direction & Layout by Jake Beaver
Album Artwork by Amber Muller
Guest Vocals on "Within A Heart of Loss" by Jonathan Whittle
Guest Vocals on "Like Heaven Before Me" by Danny Prock


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